


Better Than Any Expectations

by rebelmeg



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awesome Pepper Potts, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Iron Baby, Iron Family, Mama Pepper, Pepperony - Freeform, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, dad tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 18:53:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13981230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: A pregnancy scare sends Tony on a bit of a tailspin, but they've been working on this and Pepper does what she can to pull him out of it.  She knows beyond any doubt that he will be a better father, when the time comes, than he thinks.  The man is a baby-hugger, for heaven's sake...  (Set post-IM3, with the epilogue bit post-SMHC at least.  Maybe even Avengers4 if Marvel isn't stupid about stuff.)





	Better Than Any Expectations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NDOutatime88](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NDOutatime88/gifts).



> @NDOutatime88 was my delightful beta for this fic (she left me 14 messages that gave me happy tears, omg), and this is also a gift to her since she was the one that picked this fic as the one I released into the wild next! (She picked it like... probably a month or two ago, but I'm very slow, so it took me FOREVER and two unplanned fics for me to finally finish this.)
> 
> Yes, I totally referenced the baby hugger comic, Tony Stark hugging babies is the best thing EVER and I will take that canon to my grave.

It had been a week now. A week of Tony acting… off. Reckless and snappish in a way that strongly reminded Pepper of the Tony from the press videos from the late nineties, before she met him. The Tony that barely stumbled out of that particular decade and made it priority one to be an asshole as often as possible.

Pepper did not like that Tony.

But she knew, as sure as she knew she loved him, that something was wrong.

Tony was a circus ringmaster, an expert illusionist, an artist at sleight of hand. He could misdirect like no one she had ever seen, pointing and gesturing wildly at something so well that you never looked the other way and saw what was really going on. He’d done that so often and so well that even now, she usually had to sit back and _think_ about it before she realized it was happening.

And usually what he was hiding was how he was really hurting. Being obnoxious and talky and drawing attention to himself, misdirecting so that no one really saw him. He’d hacked a helicarrier, hid his palladium poisoning, and built a truly insane number of armors, all without anyone knowing until it had gone so far there was no going back.

So Pepper was determined, this time, to stop this thing in its tracks before it got to DANGER, DANGER, RED ALERT levels. There was _so much paperwork_ involved in those levels, she did not want to do that right now (and even less than that, she did not want the hurt of the fallout for either of them). She did have a little bit of an idea, once she considered the timing of this particular episode, of what might be going on.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on, Tony.”

She had started the conversation a little more subtly, hinting at Tony maybe needing to talk, but what she got in return was a flip and slightly cutting comment that broke subtle right in half, so Pepper gathered herself and squared her shoulders.

“Tony, you never do anything without a reason. One of the more memorable times was when you were literally dying, you waited for so long to tell me, and when you did you were _gonna make me an omelet and tell me_. Is this you making an omelet? What aren’t you telling me?”

He wasn’t looking at her, his eyes fixed on the Iron Man gauntlet he was tinkering with, but she wasn’t sure if he was refusing to look or if he was just focused. “Why do you think I’m not telling you anything? Maybe I’m just being me, everyone knows I’m a nonsensical dumpster fire of a human being.”

Pepper stifled a sigh. This may be worse than she thought if he was busting out the self-deprecation that hard. Crossing the room, she rested her hand on his shoulder, leaning into him a little as she tipped his face up with her other hand. He did so reluctantly, even rolling his eyes a bit, but she could definitely see the shadow of something hurting in his eyes. She just had to look past the act.

“That’s the thing, Tony. The things you do always do make sense. But they don’t make sense until after everyone and everything has been turned upside down and even I have to question if you really know what you’re doing. So give us both a break this time.” Her short, manicured nails combed through his hair the way she knew he liked, and he finally leaned into her touch. “Tell me what’s going on in that smart head of yours.”

Tony’s jaw twitched, like he was biting back a reply, but he stayed quiet, just pushed his head against her hand and lowered his gaze.

“Was it the pregnancy scare?” Pepper murmured quietly, but she knew the answer in the way his face tensed just slightly. “Come on, honey. Please tell me.”

More quiet, but Pepper waited it out. She’d hit on the reason, the one she had suspected, given the timing of it all. Just a week ago she had realized her period was several days late, and in her immediate shock she’d blurted out her concern to Tony.

He’d gone so still she’d almost wondered if the world had paused. He hadn’t even blinked, for several very long moments, and when he did, he’d looked over at her with an expression of abject surprise on his face. Pepper hadn’t had a chance to talk to him, she had been on her way out the door for a series of meetings at Stark Industries, and by the time she got home that night, she’d started her period. She mentioned it to Tony when she found him in his lab, and he’d nodded and made an offhand “Aunt Flo” joke that made her smile before going back to what he was doing.

Clearly it had not left his mind, despite his act to the contrary. And in a mind like Tony’s, having something stuck in there, chewing up his mental gears and wreaking havoc with his emotions, nuclear fallout was really not that far out of the realm of possibility.

But he’d tell her now. Now that she’d called him out on it. They’d been working on this. He just needed to find the words.

And sure enough, a couple minutes later, Tony sighed just a little bit and looked back up at her with his beautiful bourbon-brown eyes.

“I guess coming face to face with it… freaked me out. You know how I like to do that.”

Pepper nodded and smiled a little, brushing her thumb across his cheek. “Yes, I do.”

“It really brought out all those great father/son times I had as a kid.” Tony swallowed hard, like he was trying to keep something from choking him, and he pulled away from her slightly as his eyes shifted elsewhere. “Birthdays he missed, graduations, once an entire summer vacation. Never once telling me in person that I wasn’t something he regretted.”

Pepper had to close her eyes for a moment to collect herself (sometimes she _really_ wished she could raise Howard Stark from the dead purely to punch him right in the throat), and she wrapped her arms around Tony, knowing exactly where his concerns lay. “You’re not him.”

He seemed to break, just a little bit, his shoulders shuddering minutely as he set down the tools he’d been holding onto. He turned towards her and wound his arms around her middle, and it was just slightly tighter than was comfortable, but she didn’t say a word. Now that the topic had been broached, and he was holding her but wasn’t looking at her, Tony finally let the words spill out. 

“Neither of us know that, Pepper. And we won’t, unless we’re ever in that situation, and I can’t even tell you how terrified I am of the idea that I might do the same thing to some poor innocent kid that Howard did to me. I… I almost wish he had hit me, sometimes. I almost think that might have been preferable to… focused, intentional neglect.”

He didn’t mean it, Pepper knew that, it was just one of the ways that the pent-up pain was forcing itself out. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head, then rested her cheek on it, holding him to her.

Tony’s voice was quiet, and she almost missed what he said next. “At least I’d know I was doing better than him if that had been the case.”

“Tony,” Pepper let her voice sharpen just slightly as she drew back, needing to cut off this particular vein. “Don’t. You are a man that hugs orphaned babies when you can’t sleep at night.”

Tony’s eyes widened with surprise, almost comically, and it was clear that he’d had no idea she knew. She was endlessly grateful that she’d managed to distract him with that little confession, tearing him away from his dangerous self-comparison to Howard. 

“How—”

“I read all your mail, honey, remember? Otherwise the bills would never get paid. And I especially read the fan mail. There are nurses at every hospital within an hour’s distance that are half in love with the billionaire superhero that shows up in the middle of the night to cuddle the babies.”

Tony was actually _blushing_ , and Pepper smiled as she pressed a kiss to his heated cheek. “Tony Stark, you are already a better father than Howard was. At some point, hopefully soon, I’m going to need you to let yourself see that.”

His smile was tremulous, but it was a real smile, and this time Pepper kissed him right on that smile. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Pep.”

“Enough to come to bed?”

That smile turned wry, but Tony followed her up to bed anyway. They took turns, most nights, being the big or little spoon until they eventually settled onto their own pillows with their legs tucked together to actually sleep. Tonight, Pepper decided, was a good night for a full-on koala-cling, and she nudged and maneuvered them both until she was plastered against his chest with her arms wrapped around him and her legs tangled with his. Tony huffed and chuckled the whole time, letting himself be muscled into position, but he sighed in a very content sort of way when they were both finally settled, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

“Happy now?” He murmured, absentmindedly tracing equations on Pepper’s back.

She nodded, her hair tangling in his beard a little bit. “Yep. Figured it was a good night for the hardcore cuddling.”

She felt him smile, the way he shifted a little bit to get more comfortable, and she couldn’t quite stop herself from murmuring into the dark, “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

There was a suggestion of a sigh in the way his chest rose and fell under her cheek. “Yeah. I know.”

“And I mean anything.”

“I know you do, Pep.”

He was quiet after that, but it wasn’t a finished silence. It was weighted, and waiting, and Pepper was happy to listen to that miraculous heart beat in his chest while the silence stretched out between them.

There was a slight catch in his breath before he spoke, and she was ready when he finally found his voice nearly fifteen minutes later.

“He didn’t–” Tony stammered, the words tripping out of him with difficulty, “Howard never–” A rough sigh before the words finally spilled out, harsh and hollow.

“I was never _there_. I could be standing right next to him, looking up, and he never saw me. Not once, unless it was to shout at me for doing something I shouldn’t have. I remember when he’d come home, I’d hear him walking up the stairs to the door, and I’d run to see him, but there was never one time in my–” Tony’s breath hitched. He closed his hands into fists against her back and breathed out shakily. Pepper had to release a shaky breath herself, rubbing her hands up and down his back, needing to communicate in some way that she was there. It took him a moment to be able to speak again. 

“He walked right past me. Every time. I was never good enough to notice. I would try so hard, trying to be anything he would notice, something he would look at just once. Following as precisely in his footsteps as I possibly could. Did you know he never attended my graduation?”

“Which one?” Pepper whispered, her throat aching with the threat of tears.

“Any of them. Not one. I remember the first time, it was high school and I was just a kid and I searched the crowd the whole time. Even as I was walking to accept my diploma, I almost tripped and fell on my face because I was trying to find him. I saw my mom, I saw Jarvis, I saw Ana, I saw Aunt Peggy, but Howard never showed.”

Pepper was fighting an internal war to keep the tears at bay, and she pressed herself a little bit closer, wrapping her arms around him a little bit tighter, trying to love the man in her arms enough that maybe the boy he used to be wouldn’t hurt so much.

Tony knew, he always knew, and his hand slid up to cup the back of her head, holding her to him. “I’m sorry.”

Pepper shook her head as well as she could when she wasn’t willing to move away from him even a little bit. “No. You don’t ever be sorry for that, Tony. Not ever. He was your father. He should have loved you. He should have deserved you.”

Tony chuckled, even though there was no humor and quite a lot of pain in the soft sound. “You know the part that hurts the worst? I loved him anyway. I loved him so much, wanted to be him, but he… never wanted me at all.”

His voice broke, just a little bit, and Pepper’s heart broke along with it. “Tony, I’m so sorry.”

He was shuddering a little, shaking with the force of repressed emotions. “I don’t want to be him, Pepper. I don’t ever want to be him.”

“You’re not. Honey, you’re _not_. And you never will be.”

“I spent so much time trying to be him, what if I succeeded in the worst way?”

Pepper sat up at that point, needing to see his face. “You are not him, Tony. In so many ways, but especially that one. I promise you, you’re _not_.”

His eyes were shining in the dark, full of fear and vulnerability that he hated showing.

“You are so much more than anyone has ever expected of you, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will continue to do so when we have kids. In fact, I dare you. I dare you to be the father you want to be. I dare you to let yourself be that.”

Tony was blinking fast, his mouth trembling a little as he looked up at her, and he tugged her back into his arms to hold her hard. His voice was harsh when he managed to speak. “I accept that challenge. My kid will never, EVER, have to wonder if I love them. I don’t care what it takes, but my kid will never go a single day of their life ever thinking that I don’t want them.”

Nodding, Pepper wrapped her arms just a little more tightly around him. “I know they won’t.”

 

_Several years later…_

A gentle murmuring woke Pepper up, but she would know Tony’s voice anywhere. After a moment of disorientation at not recognizing the other noises and smells surrounding her, she remembered where she was and kept still. And then he started singing.

_“Maria, I’ve just met a girl named Maria. And suddenly that name will never be the same.”_

Pepper’s lips curled in a smile, and she opened her eyes a little to watch. Tony was standing by the little rolling bassinet next to the hospital bed, their newborn baby girl, Maria Peggy Stark, in his arms. The tiny bundle was swaddled up perfectly with an itty-bitty red bow on the crown of her head (Pepper rather thought the nurses were catering to her husband’s alter ego, and she found it almost disgustingly cute). Tony, her precious Tony, was looking down into that little face with awe and adoration and such profound love as he swayed slowly back and forth and quietly sang the most perfect lullaby.

_“Maria, say it loud and there’s music playing. Say it soft and it’s almost like praying. Maria. I just can’t stop saying Maria.”_

He seemed ready to stop, even took a step towards the bassinet, but just then his phone that was sitting on the table on the other side of Pepper's bed lit up and made a " _fwip!_ " sort of sound. Pepper recognized it as Peter's text tone, the sound of him shooting a web, one of the few sounds Tony's phone ever made (he was diligent about returning Peter's calls and texts, and Pepper would have to figure out someday how to communicate to the teenager how much she appreciated him for unknowingly showing Tony how good of a mentor and father figure he could be). She wondered if Tony had told him about the birth, he'd already called just about everyone he knew, brimming over with joy and pride as he told them that they'd had beautiful baby girl.

Maria made a little snuffling sound, wiggling in Tony's arms, and he shushed her and resumed his rocking and soft singing. _"Maria, I've just kissed a girl named Maria. And suddenly I've found how wonderful a sound can be."_ He ran through the song twice more, swaying on the spot and looking down at the baby as he sang, the dark circles under his eyes and the lines around his eyes softened with all the love on his face.

A tear, the happiest kind of tear, trickled down Pepper’s cheek as she watched them, and it was as if Tony knew. He glanced over at her, smiling softly, his eyes shining in a way that was beautiful to behold before he shifted his gaze back down to their daughter.

“You stay asleep now, babycakes. Your mama needs rest. You would not believe what you put her through to get you here. It was gross, I saw.” Pressing a gentle kiss to his baby’s forehead, and pausing a moment to breathe in that new baby smell, Tony so carefully placed little Maria back in the bassinet. He kept his hand on her for a minute, making sure she was going to stay asleep, then rolled the little bed over closer to Pepper, tucking it right up next to the hospital bed. Pepper reached out to put her hand on the baby too, taking a moment to just stare at that sweet face, then held out a hand for her husband.

Tony went around to the other side of the bed and slid in next to her, taking care not to jostle around too much as he tucked himself in at her side. “Sorry I woke you up.”

Pepper shook her head and leaned into him, bringing his hand up to press a kiss to his palm while she kept her eyes on their baby. “I’m glad you did.”

They lay curled up together in silence for a few minutes, watching the tiny rise and fall of Maria’s breathing, then Pepper laced her fingers through Tony’s and waited for the answering squeeze that meant he was still awake before speaking.

“I love it when you sing. I didn’t know you were a West Side Story fan.”

She also loved the way his voice sounded, all soft and husky, when he was tired and getting ready to sleep. “Is that what it’s from? The song?”

“Yeah. Where have you heard it before?”

There was a pause, not quite a relaxed one, and Pepper opened her mouth to brush the question away but Tony squeezed her hand again. “My, uh… my dad used to sing it to my mom. When I was a kid. He’d grab her hand and spin her around the room and sing her that song. It was her song and he sang it to her when he was happy.”

It was inevitable now, of all times, that Howard would come up. Pepper wished she hadn’t asked, but at the same time, there wasn’t the usual thread of bitterness in Tony’s voice at the mention of his father. Maybe the memory was a good enough one to tamp down the bad parts.

“It’s perfect for her,” Pepper whispered, sighing a little as she felt the exhaustion of labor and birth creeping up on her again. “The song.”

“It is. Felt right.” Tony’s voice was a little deeper, closer to sleep, the words blurring together just a little bit. Pepper tugged his arm just a bit tighter around her, smiling a little when he sighed contentedly, and let herself close her eyes with a little fragment of a song in her head, her baby beside her, and her husband holding her.


End file.
